Hello. This weeks of edition of Ceiling Cat is the Viewer Mail Edition. This is where YOU the reader, send me questions and i give you my findings based on my astute observations. I see things that others don't. It's a gift. Once i month i field your questions about everything and anything. So message me at the dead rivers facebook site and i will be sure to include your answer in my next Viewer Mail installment. Anyways on to the questions........
Our first question comes from Randolph Masterson of Spokane Washington, and he asks. "ceiling cat, why do people hate Barack Obama so much?"
Great question Randolph! Basically, from my viewpoint ( a ceiling ) people don't like president Obama because he is black! That is their biggest reason. He has flaws and hasn't followed through on some things but for the most part he is met with resistance by the opposition because of his skin color. Even the greatest hitter in the history of baseball couldn't win a world series on his own. And that is why Ted Williams has no rings. It takes a team effort working towards a common goal to succeed. Unfortunately the common goal of Barack Obama's opponents is to get rid of him at all cost and make more money for themselves. They also don't like him because of his name. It sounds like someone who would suicide bomb an Israeli disco or have a tribal ritual where he eats a human heart to appease his god. i DON'T like him because he is a chicken shit.
I wanted Hillary and still wish she would run this year. I would also like to dry hump the leg of a mahogany coffee table, but we can't always get what we want. Which is why Obama will win this year. And i'm not afraid of his name. Bush, now that name scared me! When i think Bush i think of a thorny nest covered in bugs. And vaginas too. I like vaginas but i don't like having to use a machete and a GPS to get to them. I hope that answers your question Randolph.
This next question comes Olivia Overton of Cheyenne Wyoming, and she asks...." ceiling cat, do you have any good salsa recipes? I'm trying to make new meals for me and my boyfriend and i was thinking Mexican to spice things up, lol"
Before i answer Olivia, NEVER type "LOL" to me. EVER. Firstly because your pun wasn't funny and also no one actually laughs out loud and then types it. I would probably leave you if i were your boyfriend and you continued to "LOL" at things. But, i am a caring feline and i want to help you. I will give you a recipe that has been in my family since the Great Depression. ( the DMX album, not that shitty time in the 1930's.) First you want to go out and purchase heirloom tomatoes. Only fucking heirloom do not be cheap and by that lousy vine shit because Shaws has a special. If you really love your boyfriend buy the good fucking tomatoes! Once purchased i recommend fresh picked jalepenos ( on the softer side for more spice). Cilantro is optional as some people feel it tastes like soap, but it compliments the sweet and spiciness of the salsa. You will also need one large red onion, 5-8 fresh limes a little salt and some corn. It can be frozen corn but defrost it first. Are you writing this down Olivia, or you are watching the weather on Channel 5 right now? Cut it out and pay attention, i'm trying to get you laid!
So you've gathered your ingredients. Get a big metal mixing bowl and a cutting board. Cut 3 tomatoes till they are dime sized. Dice 3-5 jalepenos depending on your spice preference. Followed by the red onion. You will want to use the entire onion as it should make up 3-4 servings once the salsa is complete. Chop your cilantro next but make sure you rip the stems out first. That is VERY important. Add about 1/4 cup to the bowl. Add a half a cup of defrosted corn. Cut up your limes and squeeze them dry over the salsa. Top it off with a table spoon of salt and or sugar and mix what's in your bowl. Give a quick taste test and add more stuff if need be. If you follow these steps correctly, Olivia your boyfriend is sure to give you good sex later that night. I hope i was a good help.
And finally, a question from little William Pembroke of Helena Montana.... he asks ." ceiling cat, is my daddy in heaven?"
William, that question is easy to answer as i see so much from my ceiling panel above the universe. NO! you're dad is not in heaven little William! You're dad was a bad man. He had an ice cream truck that played really cool songs but there was never any ice cream! Little League teams in counties all across the country are in group therapy because of this man. He killed puppies too and i once witnessed him passed out on a dirty mattress covered in hot fudge while obese women with teddy bear masks licked it off him. I know this a lot to hear all at once little William but take solace in knowing that when he died it was very painful and when he asked the aborigine tribe for mercy they just laughed and jumped rope with his entrails.
Well, that is all for this month's edition of Viewer Mail. As you can see i am versed in a number of different subjects and will answer any question. To be considered for next months Viewer Mail please send a message with your name and question to the inbox at the dead rivers facebook page. gooood bye!
